Six years ago today . . .

I was still very pregnant and nearing the last of three due dates for a baby I didn't even know I could have (but wanted so very much). Six years ago.

I was praying, praying, praying that God would just help things along so I could have my little bundle of joy finally make his debut. I had been on bed-rest of some kind for about 2 months at this point (at first, it was limited, but the last bit of it was complete bed-rest). I was tired of laying on my left side (which began to hurt) and I was tired of being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being pregnant and all the experiences that came with it, but I just wanted to see his little face and hold him in my arms and know that he was okay. It was at this point that TV programs like "A Baby Story" began to irritate the snot out of me. =0) But, what was there to watch while I roasted on the sofa??? . . . on my left side . . . ;0)

I remember crying and praying to God, "please, help me!" I couldn't breathe well anymore and I'm pretty sure when he would kick that he was kicking my heart. =0) My clothes no longer fit and I think I had one outfit left that would at least decently cover my growing baby bump. Too bad I had never considered a mu-mu! =0)

By this point I had been in the hospital at least twice - once because I thought my water broke and once because I was put there by my doctor for an overnight stay . . . and maybe induction. The latter hospital stay was the one that got me - all the nurses were sure that the doctors would induce labor. However, the doctor didn't induce labor and I was sent home with no baby in my arms, sobbing. =0) Silly, I know, but I wanted to see him so badly! I knew he would make his appearance, and I knew I would be overjoyed and fall in love with this "tiny" creature - I was already in love with him. I just wanted him here.

Oh, yeah, and there was even talk at one point of my baby coming early . . . ehem. =0) Yeah, at this point, he was not going to be a preemie.

Time went on, with me laying on my left side staring at the babies being born on TV. It was a trial in patience, I'm sure. I had plenty of time to think, seeing as I couldn't do anything . . . or at least, wasn't supposed to. I tried massaging the "no-no" spots on my ankles and legs, I tried herbal mixtures that were also on the no-no list for the preggos (oregano, black cohosh - safe stuff, but known to bring on contractions) . . . still, nothing. Okay, okay, so he wasn't supposed to come then . . . I get it. I still wanted to see him! =0) With every, "baby will come when baby comes," I wanted to scream. =0}

I had appointments every three days or so to check on me and baby. I lived for those appointments. I know it was more than likely the pregnancy hormones, but I felt like God was ignoring me (more importantly, I knew He wasn't) - my baby was just not finished baking yet. God knew when he would make his appearance, and He knew that it would be perfect timing. I would cry with every baby born on TV - I'm totally a sap! I would cry at commercials - any of them, really, but especially the ones with mommies and babies (insert eye rolls if you wish). =0) I longed for sleep (it's uncomfortable to sleep in one position all night . . . especially with a baby that wanted to stay stretched out all the time). Nesting instincts??? Yeah, forget about those. I think I had those from day one! =0) Besides, there is only so much you can do with a nursery without the baby in it.

I knew then, my relationship with God was changing. I was learning more about Him and learning more about patience. I was learning more on how to trust Him and a new way to listen for His voice - all lessons that would be invaluable later. The lessons didn't come easily . . . they were difficult to learn, but so worth it all.

With everything ready for baby to come, I waited and prayed. Six years ago today.

It's amazing how fast time flies, isn't it?

More to come . . .