Six years ago today . . . Part III

Six years ago today, I had my scheduled appointment. This time, I didn't even consider being induced. I didn't even want to think that today was the day I would go into the hospital to meet my baby boy - I didn't want to be disappointed yet again. I went into the appointment with no anticipation, just plodding in there to hear my baby's heartbeat and to make another appointment.

The appointment was long. The doctor checked everything, left the room (he even darkened the room so I could nap a bit . . . laying there on my left side), then came back to check on me again. Instead of saying, "okay, see you in a few days," he said, lets get you checked out at the hospital." WHAT?!? Calming myself, he told me to go have a good lunch, then drive over to the hospital to be checked out. He didn't want to make any promises, but he also wanted to make sure I had eaten just in case I was there a while. So, I drove to Subway and ate what I could (I might have been hungry, but there was nowhere for food to go), then drove to the hospital. Yes, I was driving and I wasn't supposed to be . . . long story that doesn't need to be shared on the blog. =0)

When I got there, I was met by another doctor from the same practice. He looked at me and said, "you look uncomfortable!" Yeah, no kidding. My clothes barely fit (the full belly panel on my shorts was showing) and I couldn't breathe. Having compassion on me, he found a chair for me and asked, "do you have your bags with you? I can't bear to send you home - I'll see what I can do to have you admitted." Finally! A doctor with some compassion!!! =0) A trip to the car with a smiling nurse and a few hours later, I was given a room in labor and delivery. No, I wasn't in labor, but Isaiah had absolutely no room left in there and it was taking a toll on my health.

Six years ago, today, I was waiting in L&D. Waiting with hope and belief that my little baby boy was going to make an appearance the next morning. I was hooked up to all the monitors and given a few meds to prepare me for the long day ahead. Again, I was told to stay on my left side . . . they weren't kidding - they made sure I stayed on my left side and off my feet. I made a few phone calls and watched TV.

This time, I just knew I would meet my baby boy - a child I had prayed so much to have. I was excited, and slightly scared, but confident I could handle labor . . . ehem. =0) Prayer continued as I waited. There would be no dinner tonight - dinner is not given in this part of the hospital . . . but my hidden snacks worked just fine. =0)

I remember the room so well. It was made to feel like home. Beautiful wooden cabinets that hid all the evidence of being in a hospital with pretty pictures on the walls. The only evidence of the room being in a hospital were the floors and the bed. There was also the cart at the foot of my bed - the cart with all the things needed for the birth of my child, neatly covered . . . but they were there. There was also a bassinet waiting for my baby. This wasn't imaginary and it wasn't on TV - this was it. It also didn't feel like the last two times I was in the hospital - the doctor was determined to help Isaiah into the world. I was not leaving without my baby in my arms this time - even if a c-section was needed.

There wasn't much that happened that night - it was a lot of waiting. The birthday song would play for babies who were born that night over the speakers. I knew other mommies were meeting their little ones. This time, I wasn't frustrated - mine would be here soon.

I was as prepared as I could be. I had everything planned out for the next day (chuckle, chuckle). No more What to Expect When You're Expecting, it was time for the real baby books, you know, What to Expect the First Year. =0)

I slept little, if any that night. The bed made my poor left hip hurt along with my back (lovely delivery tables), but the excitement of what was to happen very soon kept me awake - even Lunesta wasn't helping. =0) All night, I listened to the sound of my baby's heartbeat and movement. I became thankful for this moment - a moment I knew God had prepared me for and prepared for me. It was perfect timing - His timing. There's no way of explaining why, it just was. I was happy and at peace . . . six years ago, today. =0)

Six years ago today . . . Part II

Today was the due date . . . at least, six years ago. I thought for sure my baby would have been born by this time and I would be holding my tiny baby boy, Isaiah, in my arms. Well, God (and Isaiah) had other plans. As I mentioned in the last post, due dates are a cruel, cruel joke. ;0)

I had my bags already in the car - I was ready to go. Still, nothing. I began timing my Braxton Hicks contractions just hoping that maybe, just maybe they would be the real thing at some point (you know, maybe that would help bring on the real thing). =0) Still nothing. I'm convinced due dates are there to torture us mommies who are doomed to exceed them. You see it coming, and you get all excited, just to see it pass and become history . . . just not the history you had hoped for. Cruel joke those due dates are. ;0)

I was sick of laying on my left side, but moving around wasn't an option either. I couldn't breathe standing, sitting, laying down, standing on my head (just kidding about that last part). I just couldn't get comfortable. Of course, it was also painful to do much else - seriously, Isaiah was stretched out in there! =0)

I had given up on the baby shows - I was sick of them. Plus, I think I started seeing repeats. =0) So, I started watching Noggin instead. You know, getting familiar with the kiddie shows. I even watched Sprout and began to watch the Baby Einstein DVDs I had purchased months earlier - I got a really good deal on the whole set . . . at least the whole set they had at the time. =0) I abandoned strict confinement to the sofa, and began to crawl on the floor and wash the carpet by hand (I didn't want a baby to be on a carpet that didn't meet my preggo standards) and fixed his room . . . again. =0) Oh, crawling??? Yeah, I figured that would almost be the same as laying on my left side. =0)

I read the final chapters of my pregnancy books again, hoping to find some bit of information that I had missed. I was all prepared with my birthing plans and with all the "tricks" I had learned for labor and med-free pain management (yes, I was one of those who did not want drugs). I made sure my tennis balls were in a sturdy sock (to massage my back), my comb was in the right pocket in my bag (to hold during labor - it's supposed to help with pain), my (shhhhh) snacks were packed. I had everything ready. Oh, yeah, and I also began to read the first chapters in the baby books so that I could be prepared for my baby. =0)

Off to the doctor's appointment . . . I was hoping it would be the last one, the one where they would say, "go, wait at the hospital, your baby is coming." On the other hand, according to the doctor, Isaiah was still baking and nothing had changed in my preggo status. It would be the last time I would hear from a doctor that my belly was measuring a bit large (meaning a large baby) . . . I had heard this one other time. I just ignored it, ignorantly. =0) Another appointment was scheduled for the 24th with no talk of induction, but just the hope that labor would begin soon for me (no sign of it, though). Oh, and more bed rest on my left side. =0)

God was still teaching me lessons that I wasn't too thrilled with being taught. I wanted God to do what I wanted Him to do . . . I was trying the speak it into existence approach, and I was finding out that God does not work that way. Persistence (or in this case, stubbornness) is one thing, knowing and having the faith in God's plan and timing are another. I'm really not the boss (not that I thought I was, but I was hoping there was faith somewhere that changed things a bit), God is the boss and had decided when Isaiah was going to come into this world - God, and apparently my baby, were not agreeing with my plan. =0)

Six years ago today, I headed back home, sobbing (more rolling of the eyes, I know) to stay on the sofa and bake. =0)

More to come . . .

Six years ago today . . .

I was still very pregnant and nearing the last of three due dates for a baby I didn't even know I could have (but wanted so very much). Six years ago.

I was praying, praying, praying that God would just help things along so I could have my little bundle of joy finally make his debut. I had been on bed-rest of some kind for about 2 months at this point (at first, it was limited, but the last bit of it was complete bed-rest). I was tired of laying on my left side (which began to hurt) and I was tired of being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being pregnant and all the experiences that came with it, but I just wanted to see his little face and hold him in my arms and know that he was okay. It was at this point that TV programs like "A Baby Story" began to irritate the snot out of me. =0) But, what was there to watch while I roasted on the sofa??? . . . on my left side . . . ;0)

I remember crying and praying to God, "please, help me!" I couldn't breathe well anymore and I'm pretty sure when he would kick that he was kicking my heart. =0) My clothes no longer fit and I think I had one outfit left that would at least decently cover my growing baby bump. Too bad I had never considered a mu-mu! =0)

By this point I had been in the hospital at least twice - once because I thought my water broke and once because I was put there by my doctor for an overnight stay . . . and maybe induction. The latter hospital stay was the one that got me - all the nurses were sure that the doctors would induce labor. However, the doctor didn't induce labor and I was sent home with no baby in my arms, sobbing. =0) Silly, I know, but I wanted to see him so badly! I knew he would make his appearance, and I knew I would be overjoyed and fall in love with this "tiny" creature - I was already in love with him. I just wanted him here.

Oh, yeah, and there was even talk at one point of my baby coming early . . . ehem. =0) Yeah, at this point, he was not going to be a preemie.

Time went on, with me laying on my left side staring at the babies being born on TV. It was a trial in patience, I'm sure. I had plenty of time to think, seeing as I couldn't do anything . . . or at least, wasn't supposed to. I tried massaging the "no-no" spots on my ankles and legs, I tried herbal mixtures that were also on the no-no list for the preggos (oregano, black cohosh - safe stuff, but known to bring on contractions) . . . still, nothing. Okay, okay, so he wasn't supposed to come then . . . I get it. I still wanted to see him! =0) With every, "baby will come when baby comes," I wanted to scream. =0}

I had appointments every three days or so to check on me and baby. I lived for those appointments. I know it was more than likely the pregnancy hormones, but I felt like God was ignoring me (more importantly, I knew He wasn't) - my baby was just not finished baking yet. God knew when he would make his appearance, and He knew that it would be perfect timing. I would cry with every baby born on TV - I'm totally a sap! I would cry at commercials - any of them, really, but especially the ones with mommies and babies (insert eye rolls if you wish). =0) I longed for sleep (it's uncomfortable to sleep in one position all night . . . especially with a baby that wanted to stay stretched out all the time). Nesting instincts??? Yeah, forget about those. I think I had those from day one! =0) Besides, there is only so much you can do with a nursery without the baby in it.

I knew then, my relationship with God was changing. I was learning more about Him and learning more about patience. I was learning more on how to trust Him and a new way to listen for His voice - all lessons that would be invaluable later. The lessons didn't come easily . . . they were difficult to learn, but so worth it all.

With everything ready for baby to come, I waited and prayed. Six years ago today.

It's amazing how fast time flies, isn't it?

More to come . . .

YIKES!!!! (turn off the music player at the bottom to watch the videos) =0)

It has been a while since I posted last . . . I didn't realize it has been so long! =0}

We have been busy - Isaiah's schedule is hectic. Since the last post, Isaiah has completed his second year in Awanas as a Spark, still hasn't gotten an IEP (though, after the second meeting, we are closer - he's so smart, he just doesn't understand language well), began real physical therapy, finished his first year in gymnastics and dance . . . let's see, have I forgotten anything??? Oh, yeah, he graduated from Kindergarten! =0) I can hardly believe my baby is now a first grader!!! Aaaaand, he had the first portion of his Make-a-Wish! =0)

Back to PT . . . his therapist told us that he has officially been diagnosed with - get ready for this, because I was totally shocked to hear this . . .

Cerebral Palsy!

Yup, that's right, Isaiah has been diagnosed with spastic diplegia - basically, it accounts for his legs being so tight and his upper body being so loose. He has hypertonia in his legs and hypotonia in his upper body, which basically means he has muscle/tendon/ligament tightness in his legs and weak/underdeveloped muscle tone in his upper body (which we knew, but now have a reason for it). Why didn't the doctor mention this a year ago when he had the MRI??? Your guess is as good as mine, but it was quite interesting to hear the final outcome from his PT specialist a year later! I'm not really angry, but I will ask the neurologist about it the next time we see him (he didn't even mention it at the last appointment). The PT specialist also told us that his measurements are borderline for braces. Nice. I am quite thankful, though, that he hasn't needed them thus far . . . hopefully, he won't ever need them.

Okay, now on to Gymnastics and Dance! He had his gymnastics recital the following week after his PT appointment (which, by the way, is done by me at home since insurance will only cover meeting with the therapist once a week for 23 sessions a year . . . ehem . . . ). Anyway . . . =0) Isaiah did sooooo well! I am so proud of him - he worked so hard and it showed. He might not have conquered a cartwheel, a push-up, or being able to hold himself up on the parallel bars for very long, but he did an amazing job! I know it was difficult for him, and at times painful, but he stuck with it. Here's a little video of Isaiah doing his gymnastics: =0)

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As far as the dance recital, (again) Isaiah did an amazing job! He is learning to walk on his heels, which is difficult and painful for him to do, and he is also strengthening his upper body. The kiddos were so cute! Since boys don't have as much in dance attire as the girls do, his outfit didn't exactly match the girl's . . . but he is just so stinkin' cute! =0) Here is the dance recital for you . . .

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Then, there was Part I of Isaiah's Make-A-Wish! This one happened a bit before the gymnastics and dance recitals . . . but it's one of the best. I had been putting off a Make-a-Wish trip for Isaiah because I felt like I was giving up and admitting the severity of Isaiah's health issues. I just didn't want to admit that they were that life-threatening, I guess. Well, I finally felt like I was cheating Isaiah out of something that was a gift for him and Isaiah got the first portion of his Wish - to see the space shuttle a bit closer than we have been able to get. He LOVED it! He was so excited about seeing the space shuttle from the causeway (just water between us and the shuttle) and also slightly disappointed . . . he thought he was going to go on a trip with the astronauts. =0) He had a blast, even though we had to leave our house at 5 in the morning to wait for a shuttle launch at 8-something in the morning. It was a wee bit cloudy, but we were still able to see this:

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Well, that's all I have for now . . . Isaiah turns 6 in about 20 days, now, so I will be posting (again) sometime soon. =0)

Missing??? Not exactly. =0)

I just noticed that I haven't posted much of anything this year so far . . . sad, really sad. =0} So, this post is for those of you who still follow my blog and are absolutely curious as to what in the world is going on around here. =0)

First, the IEP frustration. To sum it all up (because it's a long story that still angers me a wee bit, to say the least), I was trying to get Isaiah on an IEP because, let's face it, he has autism and has difficulty understanding language. Well, the local school doesn't see it that way. The way they see it, he reads well and his comprehension doesn't count, so there's no need for an IEP . . . even if we are modifying his daily lessons and assessments because he cannot understand them! Ehem. So, another meeting is being planned to re-discuss the IEP and to at least go for a 504 (which wasn't even offered).

Second, Isaiah's psychiatrist and neurologist want more therapy. More ST, more LT, more social therapy, more OT, more PT . . . any way you look at it . . . more. =0) Isaiah is receiving some help, but it's not enough. He does need more ST and LT - he has difficulty understanding language and has some difficulty communicating (it can be difficult to understand what he's saying as well . . . he also has a habit of making up his own words). As far as PT, Isaiah's hamstrings are still really tight. His abductors are looser (hips), but his hamstrings haven't changed much at all. He has gained some upper body strength, but still needs to work on trunk control as well. Sooooo, more PT which is coming in the form of . . . PT (he is in dance and gymnastics to help, but it's not enough . . . though, it has helped things at least stay the same - without it, things would have been worse, so I'm told). Hey, he has actually learned how to run without a strange gait thanks to dance and gymnastics! =0) I'm so proud of my little man! This time, though, he actually has to go to the hospital for PT (no surgery, though - YAY!).

Third - Insurance. We're still having problems getting Isaiah's meds covered, but thanks to a new job for me, we have another insurance to help us out (Isaiah is on disability and is also now covered on my insurance policy). I also found out that disability (aka, Medicaid) will only cover 1 bottle of Xyzal every 365 days . . . with or without the other insurance. So, I am supposed to pay $70 a month for this med . . . in addition to the others that they are refusing to cover. To give you a little perspective, one bottle lasts us about 30 days . . . you can do the math, one bottle a year isn't going to help us at all. So, why Xyzal when there's Zyrtec? Xyzal works better. Isaiah had fewer weird reactions (red spots that turn to blisters and then look like bruises for weeks after).

Apart from all of this, however, Isaiah is doing okay. He hasn't had an episode of anaphylaxis since the last one in late February (literally, the last day in February). He did have quite a few rebound reactions that were less than pleasant (not that any are pleasant, but they weren't the easier ones to deal with). Isaiah has also had some interesting "minor" reactions as well, including those disco-light spots that appear and disappear . . . and reappear. This time, though, they stay there for a good bit, and if they are scratched, they turn into blisters that turn into dark red spots (they almost look like bruises) that don't go away for weeks. He has had the spots stay for a while, but never the blister issue with them. Weird, but not that surprising . . . Isaiah is, after all, the medical mystery as his local allergist likes to remind me of. =0}

The walk for Autism Speaks went really well - it was last Saturday. We were able to reach and exceed our goal, thanks to the generosity of many. Thank you, again, for those of you who supported us financially and even in spirit (as I know many wanted to donate, but were unable to do so). However you decided to support us, it was appreciated and loved - thank you! I walked the full 5K and enjoyed meeting so many people who were willing to walk in that hot, hot sun to raise awareness for Autism. It was inspiring and refreshing . . . even though a nice cool shower was needed at the end of the walk! =0) As for Isaiah . . . he didn't get to attend the walk because it was so hot. I really wished he could have been there - he would have had a blast! But, he got to swim in a nice cool pool while I walked in the hot, hot sun. =0)

On to my dad . . .

My dad has been having some health issues lately. When he works, he swells and is in so much pain he doesn't know what to do with himself. He is also having trouble with tremors - he shakes so badly at times. Sometimes, he is shaking so much he refuses to eat - what's the point if he can't get it to his mouth? He usually ends up dropping his fork and walking away from the table angry, frustrated, hungry, and confused. It's hard to see him go through this.

On top of that, his regular physician told him that his blood has thickened (from WM - the leukemia) and he is beginning to have nose bleeds - especially at night. He is always cold and is actually a darker color than he used to be (circulation issues).

Then, there are the memory issues. WM can cause Alzheimer-like effects, mentally, but he is going through testing for Alzheimer's just to make sure he doesn't have something else on top of everything else going on with him. He gets lost easily in familiar places, forgets things he has never forgotten before . . . has difficulty driving and remembering all the rules, forgets how to cook or that he has even turned the stove on, etc.

Please, please, please keep him in your prayers - for his physical and emotional health. He hates not being able to keep busy - he isn't physically able to take care of his lawn or do repairs on the house much less help anyone else out (for those of you who know my dad, this is torture to him). He won't tell you, but it's wearing on him - he hates to sit around and do nothing.

Lastly, my Uncle Ivan went to be with Jesus early this morning. Uncle Ivan is my dad's brother-in-law, but was like a father to my dad. If you were following my blog over a year ago, you may remember a post about my Aunt Sis - my dad's sister. Uncle Ivan is my Aunt Sis' husband. Like her, he had a wonderful heart. He was mischievous and was always in the mood to make someone smile or laugh. He was also devoted to my Aunt Sis, and spoke of her almost all the time after she passed away. Isaiah thought he was quite funny - they only met once, over a year ago, but Uncle Ivan had so much fun playfully teasing Isaiah and having Isaiah-friendly conversation. We're going to miss him - he was always the life of the party.

Blessings,

Kelly

Just a quck post . . .

to tell you about an awesome Spring giveaway from Soft Clothing! Remember this picture????

And this one???

Those are clothes from Soft Clothing - and only two of the times Isaiah was wearing their clothes (we get a lot of wear out of them). =0) We have several pairs of pants from them, and they are just as soft as the day they arrived in the mail. We love them because Isaiah loves them . . . and he actually keeps them on and doesn't fuss about them being "yucky" or "icky".

Aaaaand . . . he'll be wearing the soft denim pants (and maybe even a soft shirt) for his Spring dance recital. =0) (Keep a look-out for those photos) =0)

If you know a child who has sensory issues, or a child who just looooves soft clothes (who doesn't, right?), then take a look at Soft Clothing's site - they have quite a bit to look at including shirts, shorts, dresses, socks, and pants. They also have a list of resources on their site for sensory kiddos. While you're there, enter the giveaway, too! =0)

I am also writing a post that will be, uh, posted soon. =0) I just haven't quite gotten there yet . . . but it is coming. =0) For now, I have to go . . . we have a trip to St. Pete tomorrow for an upcoming appointment and a quick Spring Break vacation. =0)

I will post . . . I promise. =0)

I am just trying to find the right words to write a post about another anaphylaxis episode, an IEP meeting that wasn't, rebound reactions, the good things going on, and the Autism Speaks! walk in April . . . until I can put the frustration/anger & happy words into a post . . . "think happy thoughts, happy thoughts . . . " =0}

A few pics to pass the time . . .